Me.

I frustrate myself so bad. So bad. I can never get the right words to come out. Sometimes I feel literally unable to speak. And I get so mad at myself. All I want is to be honest with people, but it's like my body won't let me. Or my mind. I'm terrified of getting hurt. I'm terrified of being so vulnerable. My throat will close up and my heart will start pounding.
I keep things bottled inside. Maybe sometime, I might explode because of all the things I keep pent up inside. I'm not one to hold grudges, I'm also not one to explode or have an emotional outburst when I'm angry, mad, hurt, sad etc. I think. And think. And think somemore. Sometimes it really doesn't get better or worse. It will just sit there for me to dwell on. And I hate that fact. I share feelings readily. I will tell you random stories, or just little tid-bits of information about myself. I don't mind telling you most personal information about myself. But when it comes to my deep innermost feelings. I can not do it.
It's not that I don't want to talk to you, or tell you how I feel. I can't. And if I ever sound mad at you, it's because I am mad at myself for not being able to talk to you and tell you how I feel, no matter how much I want to. There is nothing more I want than to be completely honest and straightforward with you. I will be too. But not until my words start to come out more readily. I almost wish that sometimes you could read my mind. Read what I am thinking about. I wish... A lot of things. But right now it's my inability to communicate with you. To talk to you. To love you.