Me.

I frustrate myself so bad. So bad. I can never get the right words to come out. Sometimes I feel literally unable to speak. And I get so mad at myself. All I want is to be honest with people, but it's like my body won't let me. Or my mind. I'm terrified of getting hurt. I'm terrified of being so vulnerable. My throat will close up and my heart will start pounding.
I keep things bottled inside. Maybe sometime, I might explode because of all the things I keep pent up inside. I'm not one to hold grudges, I'm also not one to explode or have an emotional outburst when I'm angry, mad, hurt, sad etc. I think. And think. And think somemore. Sometimes it really doesn't get better or worse. It will just sit there for me to dwell on. And I hate that fact. I share feelings readily. I will tell you random stories, or just little tid-bits of information about myself. I don't mind telling you most personal information about myself. But when it comes to my deep innermost feelings. I can not do it.
It's not that I don't want to talk to you, or tell you how I feel. I can't. And if I ever sound mad at you, it's because I am mad at myself for not being able to talk to you and tell you how I feel, no matter how much I want to. There is nothing more I want than to be completely honest and straightforward with you. I will be too. But not until my words start to come out more readily. I almost wish that sometimes you could read my mind. Read what I am thinking about. I wish... A lot of things. But right now it's my inability to communicate with you. To talk to you. To love you.

Téléfrancais! - Episode 1

Thought I would post my favorite way of learning French.. Telefrancais!
You're going to love it, I just know it. It's wonderful. J'aime le francais. :)

Hm.

Hm.
This week has been kinda crazy. Well,not really crazy. But long. At the same time it went by really fast. And there I go, contradicting myself as always. I'm rather skilled at that. I've been watching the first season of Heroes. So good. I love that show. A lot. And guess who got me into it? Caleb, of course. He basically influences everything I do. I would do anything for him. That's not figurative. It's literal. "Everthing I do, I do for you." That basically sums it up right there.
I miss him a ton. Of course. Everyone knows that. But it's true. I want him to be with me all the time. I hate that he's gone. But, it's ok. I know everything will work out. And we're lucky to be so crazy about each other. :)
I guess that's about all. Maybe i'll have something more exciting to say next time. Haha.
Oh, speaking of exciting. Last weekend when me, Caleb, Janae and Casey went to Cedar City. It was a party. And I loved spending the entire weekend with Caleb. That's been a rare thing since the school year ended. Even over the summer. But oh well. It's ok, like I said before.
Anyway. I'm gonna go hang out with Aaron tonight. Yay. He's such an awesome friend. It's almost ridiculous. I'm gonna freak out when he leaves. Just over a month.
Well. That's all for now.
Love.

Procrastination.... :)

So. Here I sit. I'm supposed to be studying for a mid-term. Writing a composition for French. Do video manuals for french, and well, something else I'm sure. Yay for homework in college. Anyway. I'm excited for this weekend. Going down to party in Cedar City with lots of my good friends. Shweet. Hm, what else?
My roommates are sooo crazy. They like get in mock fights and shove ice cream in each others mouths and yell and are like little kids! Me and Megan are the two quietest girls in our apartment and we always just sit there and look at each other. It's entertaining though. Good times. Weirdest thing is that one of my roommates has a brother that is my age. He's a freshman at BYU-I. Woah.
Well, I think that I should go do homework. I am being so entertained by Avril Lavigne's new CD. It's way funny. Well, ciao, as my other roommate would say. Hey, I live with them, it's no suprise I talk about them all the time. Haha.
Can't wait for Friday. I get to see Caleb! Yay. I miss him sooooooo much.
Love and all that stuff.